I have recently had some relatively big life changes - I say relative because they felt big to me but to some they may not.
I had a big project at work that launched during August, a time that is normally a quieter time of the year due to obvious reasons.
Although Ezra was still at nursery and we were not officially in the summer holidays it felt like we were, maybe because of lots of people around me were and so it felt like there was lots going on and we were fleeting in and out of routine.
Towards the end of summer Ezra finished nursery which was a big milestone, he has been going there since he was 18 months and they have been a huge support to us. That said I was looking forward to not doing that nursery run with the pram anymore.
We then moved flat which comes with the obvious stresses, last minute, family being away during the move dramas.
It was a lot.
Although I moved round the corner into the same flat (lol) it is still taking some time to settle in and feel at home.
Not long after moving house Ezra started school which we were both anxious about and was understandably manifesting in different ways.
Adjusting to the school system and routine has been tough, really tough. There just aren't enough hours in the day it feels like and trying to juggle it all on my own has taken its toll.
So much so I keep getting sick obvs.
I have struggled to make things work in the way I did before, struggles to fit everything in that I used to, struggled to not feel too exhausted to do anything and I have struggled to feel ok about this and not base my worth on how productive I am and how much I manage to do and balance.
I have struggled to allow myself to just go with it and give it some time to adjust and adapt.
However I have had to give us the time and accept that some things won't happen in the way they did before, some things won’t happen for a while, some things won't happen full stop. Some things have to give. But it's been hard to do that so I have felt the struggle.
The internal tug or war and push and pull. The voice that says just listen to your body, don't try and fit in too much, give it more time and the string pull to get back to the way it was before, get back to the same routine, fitting in this and that.
Just do this today Carly oh and this and maybe this.
Of course we have to believe that balance is available to us and that it won't feel like this all the time, there are things we can do to make it better and that will make us feel better, less overwhelmed, stressed out and bogged down. After that is what I am all about, trying to create that balance for myself and helping others to do it too.
I have been trying to remember the things I talk about it with others, the things i help others do, the things I work with other Mums on and talk about in my group.
Trying to walk the walk and practice what I preach.
And slowly but surely each week I am adjusting that little bit more. Figuring out what I need to make things easier and work better.
Rethinking what I can and can’t do and how I can do it.
I am trying to see it as a good time to review my priorities and what's important to me rather than just trying to squeeze everything in to an impossible schedule and routine.
Asking myself each week, where am I at and meeting myself there.
Some weeks that's looked like just getting through and focusing on Ezra.
Some weeks it's been about fitting in some exercise and unpacking a few more boxes.
If you’re feeling in the trenches and a bit knee deep in it all, know that you are not alone and it's ok to take the time you need. Meet yourself where you are and keep checking in when you can, asking yourself what you need and what might help make things a bit easier.
It's about being realistic and giving yourself the grace to just be in it.
However if you're feeling over it, feeling like you've been knee deep for too long, feeling like you’re fed up of being in the trenches and overwhelmed by it all or if you’re feeling stuck and struggling to see through then it then reach out!
Drop me a line and we can chat.
Or reach out to your network, whatever that looks like for you and let people know how you are feeling.
People are waiting to help, they just need a nod from you.
You are not alone.